You wait... I wait for nothing..

I don't think there's any word in the entire world that is more vulgar than the four letter word. Not the F word but the W word. W-a-i-t.

I fear waiting. More than the shoulder to shoulder, ass to ass rush hour crowds, I fear waiting for a bus to come. Or a train for that matter. There is nothing to do when waiting. I just.... wait. But the harsh fact of reality is, my life is filled with waiting. A trip to Borders to get that book I always wanted requires me to stand in line to wait for my turn to pay. When my turn finally comes, the barcode label on my book is faulty so the cashier says, "One moment, sir," which we all know is just a polite substitute for the vile four letter word. While I do wait for the cashier to come back, there is nothing left to do other than to pretend that those awkward stares from behind do not exist and that the cashier at the adjacent counter isn't sniggering at yet another stupid customer who's incapable of making sure a barcode label is in order before taking a book to the counter. Wait.

I hear the call to be an ambitious young man and to fight for what I want in life every day, perhaps even every minute. But fighting isn't a Spartan thing anymore where i can just go to the battlefield, slog it out and either emerge victorious or not emerge at all. Fighting means setting my goals, planning how I am going to achieve those goals before i sit back in that warm seat of mine and...? W-A-I-T. Wait for this part of my education to be over. Wait for the figure that people call my age to crawl just slightly higher before I'm eligible to register for a course. There is nothing to do but wait.

But life's bigger than just queues and ambitions. I have at some point in my teenage years been told that there is someone out there with whom I'm destined to enjoy the rest of my life with.

"So I'll go find her.."
"Nah.. you can't go out looking for love. you've got to wait for it to come to you."
"But I don't want to wait. If she's out there and we're meant to be, I'll find her won't I?"
"You've got to be patient. Stay still and one day you will find each other. And when you do, oh.. that would be the day when fire feels cool and snow turns warm in your hands. You'll just know it."

So I wait. Dawn turns to dusk and dusk turns to dawn again and again and again. And still, I wait. there is nothing else to do but wait. But waiting can be dangerous. If you wait too much, your whole life will soon be filled with waiting. Have you ever sat on a bench waiting for someone to pick you up from school at 2 pm sharp, but at 3.30 pm he's still not there? Every car that passes brings with it a glimmer of hope that will only pass by. Soon that glimmer fades and you only turn your gaze to cars that share the same colour as the one supposed to pick you. And soon, even that new hopeful shine pales in comparison to the solace that you have found in waiting.

Waiting is the anticipation of a hope being fulfilled. It is sad that those who wait eagerly for their desires don't realize that once they stop waiting, they stop hoping simply because there is nothing else to hope for. It is the same reason why vampires can never have dreams. The poor immortal beings will always fulfil their dreams no matter how long it takes and soon they have nothing else to dream for. A life without hopes and dreams is a life not worth living. For what drives a human being's humanity is the desire for unattainable things.

So tommorow again I will wait for the water to heat up before I take my shower. I will wait for the train to come before I get on it. I will wait for the day to end before I get off work. I wait for the perfect one to find where I am and turn my night into day. I wait for my life to end knowing that within my corpse is a heart filled with bitter wants and unsatisfied needs that helped me go on living life when I was alive. Or just maybe the same heart that pumps litres of blood through my body and never waits to let time pass is already dead.