Open Up

***Sure we love it. That sudden sensation that passes through the body is simply undescribable. Actually it's a little like peeing but its wayyyyy better than that. It makes me twitch where I never knew could twitch, both on the outside and inside. And after the initial surge, it's like there's this invisible shield of happiness and satisfaction around my body. It's like nothing in this world could take this contentment from me.

But you know, coming here wasn't an easy thing. Oh, *giggle* not coming coming but.. you get what I mean. I mean bringing myself to actually doing it wasn't an easy thing. I was curious about the mystery and stuff surrounding sex since I don't know when but it was just a case of wanting to taste the forbidden fruit. And when this fruit that looked so delicious from afar was finally dangling before my very eyes, I just couldn't. I don't know how many guys I actually left hanging right in the centre of my room looking desperate and dishevelled. I felt bad about the situation but I just couldn't.

I've never been a promiscuous girl. In fact I don't think there's such a thing. We're naturally shy and honestly, we're not that much into sex as well. I know guys just want to have their fun, shoot their load and then fall right off to sleep. It's just the way they're wired and I don't blame them for being that way. In fact sometimes I find it rather cute - the way they suddenly seem to have had every ounce of energy expelled together with their cum.

That gentle boy kept his eyes deeply focused on mine all the time and time seemed to have stood still. He kissed my forehead and said that it might hurt a little (sheesh, like he'd know). Then he did something we've never done before. He took my legs and held them by each side of his thigh. My little girl was wide open to him. Still looking straight into my eyes, he went in. Oh my God it hurt so much I felt like a little girl again. I didn't orgasm nor did it feel entirely good. I felt a little weird down there and I couldn't sit cross legged for a few days without feeling uncomfortable.

Stop giving me that look ok. I'm getting to my main point already! *rolls eyes*

You see, a demure and feminine girl like me *winkwink* keeps her legs as close together as possible throughout most of the day. Girls who open their legs wide are viewed by the world as cheap. But that night, as I prepared to take my boyfriend to a place where no man had ever been before, I opened my legs wide. I didn't care if the world thought I was a slut because all that mattered was that he didn't think I was. And it took us so long in our relationship for me to really trust in him, to know that he wouldn't treat me as a slut in order for me to bring myself to have sex with him. In fact, it was only then that I knew why couples usually say 'making love' instead.

To have my guy's dick inside of me might have been painful (well they do say that love hurts), but I felt like an empty part of me was suddenly complete. It was as if I had been missing out on something for 16 years and suddenly reconciliation brought with it emotions and physical sensations that were out of this world.

So there I was, lying on my bed stripped of all clothing, absolutely vulnerable to him standing before me, legs wide open to him like a slut waiting to be penetrated and when he finally entered me.. my pussy was gripped on to him, not wanting to let go. And that's exactly how I felt after we did it. I never wanted to let him go.

We broke up after a while because we didn't seem be going in the same direction. I've had a couple of partners after him and the same complicated emotions pass through my body every time I make love to someone. I begin in the same vulnerable position, open my slutty legs wide, wrap them round his waist and anticipate him completing that void in my physical existence.

I've begun to control my emotions though. I've seen enough men to know that they can't really keep their dicks to their own partners. And for that, I sacrifice a bit of my own pleasure. I've begun to fake orgasms just to see that look on those faces. The look that screams “I'm a man.. she needs me” Little does he know how vulnerable he seems through my eyes as I fake each moan and twitch, controlling the exact moment when he cums.

Why do I still have sex then? I guess its the inevitable fate of every girl to become hardened against the stupid gender we call 'man' and yet still believe that one day, I might just meet that special guy to whom opening my legs wouldn't deem me a slut, to whom being vulnerable to would mean gaining protection. But most importantly, a guy who won't expel all his promises and our memories together with his cum. Cos even if I licked up every drop of it, I would never be able to open my legs to him the same way, exposing all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities, anymore.***

So now we know why girls make such a big deal out of sex. And guys who are girls inside as well.