I've been back a day short of two weeks today. All i feel over here is the suffocating humidity, the bright, hot sun that has been shining down ever since I came back home.
Things have changed since I left. Surprisingly though, that time-difference I was expecting with my closest of friends wasn't really there. But things have changed. We're all looking for things to dow ith our lives before enlisting; we're thinking of what to do with our lives after we're done with NS; all this while we're wondering what the next two years are going to be like for us.
While most of the girls are working their butts off in some law firm or another, one girl's ass is sitting at home every single day, wondering what to do with her life. Should she fly? But she missed the interview; should she take up a sponsorship in teaching; should she take that job in Dubai; should she actually be working while thinking through all this? But her priority right now is getting her driving license. The rest can wait.
Wait. That's what I do every single day. I wait for One Tree Hill to load on my computer. I spend hours doing nothing but watch One Tree Hill.. and sometimes send the odd resume out. I'm broke financially and on top of that I'm an emotional vacuum. I thought that Japan had done me good. I watched dramas and started crying again. I heard music that sounded so romantic everything before me just faded to a blur (with the help of some beers of course). But the moment I'm back, I slip back under the covers of being a cold, hard person that I really am not.
One Tree Hill helps me get through the days. It makes me believe that there are things worth believing in; that there are emotions that we can and should still feel in our lives every single day. I leave you with a nice scene before I go back to wondering why the hell I feel like an emotional vacuum despite being able to relate to every single thing that goes on in OTH.
(Haley) - "You know some say that [when you're hurting] the pain and garbage is really healing and beautiful and poetic...? Well that's wrong. It's just... PAIN and GARBAGE. You know what's better? Love."
and she goes on to say,
"The day you think that love is overrated... is the day that you are wrong. The only thing wrong with love and faith is not having it."
So sometimes I think that if I just bothered to look between the crevices and not just brush over the surface, I might actually find some kind of companionship that I've always been looking for...
... but then again, who am I kidding?
Things have changed since I left. Surprisingly though, that time-difference I was expecting with my closest of friends wasn't really there. But things have changed. We're all looking for things to dow ith our lives before enlisting; we're thinking of what to do with our lives after we're done with NS; all this while we're wondering what the next two years are going to be like for us.
While most of the girls are working their butts off in some law firm or another, one girl's ass is sitting at home every single day, wondering what to do with her life. Should she fly? But she missed the interview; should she take up a sponsorship in teaching; should she take that job in Dubai; should she actually be working while thinking through all this? But her priority right now is getting her driving license. The rest can wait.
Wait. That's what I do every single day. I wait for One Tree Hill to load on my computer. I spend hours doing nothing but watch One Tree Hill.. and sometimes send the odd resume out. I'm broke financially and on top of that I'm an emotional vacuum. I thought that Japan had done me good. I watched dramas and started crying again. I heard music that sounded so romantic everything before me just faded to a blur (with the help of some beers of course). But the moment I'm back, I slip back under the covers of being a cold, hard person that I really am not.
One Tree Hill helps me get through the days. It makes me believe that there are things worth believing in; that there are emotions that we can and should still feel in our lives every single day. I leave you with a nice scene before I go back to wondering why the hell I feel like an emotional vacuum despite being able to relate to every single thing that goes on in OTH.
(Haley) - "You know some say that [when you're hurting] the pain and garbage is really healing and beautiful and poetic...? Well that's wrong. It's just... PAIN and GARBAGE. You know what's better? Love."
and she goes on to say,
"The day you think that love is overrated... is the day that you are wrong. The only thing wrong with love and faith is not having it."
So sometimes I think that if I just bothered to look between the crevices and not just brush over the surface, I might actually find some kind of companionship that I've always been looking for...
... but then again, who am I kidding?
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