Fat Man's Act

The following is prima facie evidence of the utter lifelessness of a friend we know by the name of Ashwin. His current state of mind is unknown but he was last seen making out with a monkey and later hanging out with someone who was chasing a cat while it was taking a poop so it is assumed that he is at least mildly deranged.

This post is entirely fictional and is in no way a personal stab at obese people.

FAT MAN’S ACT
(CHAPTER 23)

Short title.

1. This Act may be cited as the Fat Man’s Act.

Being or attempting to be fat.

2. —(1) Subject to any exception referred to in Chapter IV of the Penal Code (Cap. 224) which may be applicable (other than section 95), any person who becomes or attempts to be fat shall be guilty of an offence and shall on conviction be punished with death.

Presumption3. Where any person is found to be with the company of a fat person, he is presumed to be fat until the contrary is proven and shall be guilty of an offence and shall on conviction be punished with death.

Abetting
3. Any person found to be giving or feeding a fat person is deemed to have committed an offence under Section 2, Subsection 1 and shall be guilty of an offence and shall on conviction be punished with death.

Trafficking in food for the purpose of fattening.

4. —(1) Any person trafficking in food for the purpose of fattening shall be guilty of an offence and shall on conviction be punished with —

(a) death; or
(b) imprisonment for life and with caning with not less than 6 strokes.

(2) Any person proved to be in unlawful possession of more than 2 bags of fattening agents shall, until the contrary is proved, be presumed to be trafficking in food for the purpose of fattening.

Power to amend Schedule6. The Minister may at any time by order add to, amend or vary the Schedule.