Every day longer that I spend here, i let myself fall further and deeper into a pit called mediocrity. Mediocrity is like a spec of dirt on your shirt and it never comes off. Such a pit is not as hopeless as a bottomless one, and yet it is not shallow enough for you to climb up to the surface easily, or at all. No. The pit of mediocrity is neither too deep nor too shallow; just the right size and depth for a mediocre person.
God never made man a perfect creature. God made man, then woman out of man. Then, he bestowed gifts upon them. Every single one received gift, but not all received the same amount of gifts. Some were born more academicaly inclined than others; some were born with the natural ability to dance; some, like me, were born to sing and learn languages.
While I'm thankful to God for bestowing the gift of music on me, I also wonder why I was chosen to receive these gifts. If I had the power to give someone musical ability, I would expect him to be able to conduct an orchestral; or else to sing a song so natually so as to move the hearts of those in need of emotional comfort; or else to create tunes that touch the lives of others. I have none of these. I can sing. I can learn languages fast. That's all.
I have major problems with dynamics. Music, as I see it, is almost like a paved road. Through months of training and experience I have learnt to see it as the ocean: sway and bulging and bursting before laying back and relaxing only to form an even larger wave the next time round. But that's all that I can do.. to see it that way. And that is the least of my problems.
I thought God gave all artistically inclined people the ability to recognize emotions that other could only feel and not realize. Lyricists arrange words in such a way that can make people cry upon hearing or reading them lyrics; composers set words to melodies that tug directly at the heartstrings of the common person; singers become the powerful living vehicle to convey he emotions and stories behind a song to people who need so badly to know that their lives aren't as bad as they think. Singers like Justin Timberlake, Maria Callas, Jon Bon Jovi, Bono, Randolf, Zul, Hady Mirza undoubtedly have the ability to feel a particular emotion, recognize it and then most importantly, convey it to their audiences.
As I angrily direct my cursor towards the 'x' in the top right corner of a window still playing a youtube video, I cannot help but wonder what emotion I am feeling, why I'm feeling that way, and how I can convey such an emotion to the next person who steps into my room.
An artiste can be defined as a person who takes charge of his emotions and presents it to the public for a living. An artiste who has grown to lose control of his feelings to the point where he cannot even be an actor on a stage he once dreamed of living his life on is someone who has lost himself; a walking shell of human flesh with neither heart nor spleen.
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