An encounter with a partner I haven't worked with in the past year also led me back to an album which has been out of sight and mind for some time.
In 1994, the Lovehunters released a self-titled English album which contained, with the notable exception of "Heart of Gold", their original songs. I started to search my mind for this particular song which I remember had beautiful melancholic lyrics that kept me writing them on every desk I could get my pen on in Secondary School. The album has since gone missing in my home. If anyone has information on (or better, a copy of) their self-titled album or any of their other Malay albums, please please please get in touch with me.
So here it is, to the best of my memory.
*********************************************************************************
Why The Lies
Take me to the painter's house
I promise you I'll sketch a smile
So smile at me, just smile at me
See the birds fly in the sky
Why can't I be singing songs of lullabies
Please tell me why
Why can't I paint a picture of you and I
The songs we shared
The times we held each other
All those times that passed us by
Can you try to tell me why
Tell me now, tell me that you care
Then I'll be sure that I'll be there
When you need me
When you call for me
I want to make you smile
Please let me try
Torn apart I must be strong
To mend my heart
Standing all alone without you here
I want you to be near
This fairy tale was giving faith to me
I can't seem to find the truth
Behind the lies I tell myself
And now you're gone
I've got to try to let you go
All the pain inside
Please let me try
Hanging on to emptiness
The promises that we once made
So why the lies
Can you tell me why
All the pain inside
Baby I can't hide
Dream a dream that won't come true
Living a lie I can't face the truth
I want to see you smile
Just to see you smile
Take me to the painter's house
I promise you I'll sketch a smile
So smile at me
Just smile at me
*********************************************************************************
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
A Walnut's Christmas
As Christmas draws near, people's lives get turned upside down. Parents get all gittery preparing to buy presents for nieces and nephews; siblings get all moody while they jostle for the glitter markers in the house to write lovey dovey messages to their partners; the choir gets busy as they prepare for carolling; the indoor pubs fill up because everyone just wants to forget about work and bask in the annual festivity. And where does that leave those without partners or those without money to feed to bartenders?
Christmas for a Roman Catholic me has always been exciting. From when I was a toddler I remember literally waiting under the Christmas Tree at home to see if Santa really came on his reindeer sledge to give me my presents. He never came, of course, but the presents stil magically appeared under the Tree the next morning bearing the love of "Mummy & Papa", "Chair Chair" and "Kor Kor". Even now when I think back to those Christmas mornings, I smile in blissful joy.
That joy also comes with a nagging sadness that seems to flow endlessly despite how many times I try to wring it dry. For I am not that innocent child waiting under the tree anymore nor am I my siblings' 'little baby brother' anymore. To know that those moments will forever be just a fragment of the memories that I still am creating makes me bewildered at why I never learn to treasure good things before they come to pass.
As a child I always wanted to grow up. When i was in the rigid school system I always wanted out. Now that I cannot remember the ins and outs of living as a child, as well as studying from 7.20 am to 2.00 pm, I cannot help but ask myself if I was foolish to not have cherished those moments. There was much more time for me to bond with my family, to get to know my classmates better, to play sports more, to be more invlved in drama, to study harder, and the list just goes on. As a growing adult, I know that I have to tell myself to just move on.
Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. The day the saviour came into this world. Though he came on a cold winter's night, he illuminated the darkness of the sky with his being and filled the air with warmth.
Christmas is a time you pick your girlfriend up from her place in your best suit to go for Midnight Mass.
Christmas is a time bells ring at the stroke of midnight, signalling Christ's arrival.
Christmas is a time when you cuddle up with your girlfriend just next to the fireplace (that's the tiny balcony for us Singaporeans) and talk about the past year together whilst exchanging loving glances.
Christmas is a time when all those complicated feelings come rushing into me. Memories from every Christmas come back to me every year, with each year's recollections ironically less prominent than the next.
Christmas is a time when I try everything in my power to crack open the rock hard shell of a walnut with my bare hands, only to come to the sudden realization that the walnut that won't crack is but a reflection of myself.
Christmas for a Roman Catholic me has always been exciting. From when I was a toddler I remember literally waiting under the Christmas Tree at home to see if Santa really came on his reindeer sledge to give me my presents. He never came, of course, but the presents stil magically appeared under the Tree the next morning bearing the love of "Mummy & Papa", "Chair Chair" and "Kor Kor". Even now when I think back to those Christmas mornings, I smile in blissful joy.
That joy also comes with a nagging sadness that seems to flow endlessly despite how many times I try to wring it dry. For I am not that innocent child waiting under the tree anymore nor am I my siblings' 'little baby brother' anymore. To know that those moments will forever be just a fragment of the memories that I still am creating makes me bewildered at why I never learn to treasure good things before they come to pass.
As a child I always wanted to grow up. When i was in the rigid school system I always wanted out. Now that I cannot remember the ins and outs of living as a child, as well as studying from 7.20 am to 2.00 pm, I cannot help but ask myself if I was foolish to not have cherished those moments. There was much more time for me to bond with my family, to get to know my classmates better, to play sports more, to be more invlved in drama, to study harder, and the list just goes on. As a growing adult, I know that I have to tell myself to just move on.
Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. The day the saviour came into this world. Though he came on a cold winter's night, he illuminated the darkness of the sky with his being and filled the air with warmth.
Christmas is a time you pick your girlfriend up from her place in your best suit to go for Midnight Mass.
Christmas is a time bells ring at the stroke of midnight, signalling Christ's arrival.
Christmas is a time when you cuddle up with your girlfriend just next to the fireplace (that's the tiny balcony for us Singaporeans) and talk about the past year together whilst exchanging loving glances.
Christmas is a time when all those complicated feelings come rushing into me. Memories from every Christmas come back to me every year, with each year's recollections ironically less prominent than the next.
Christmas is a time when I try everything in my power to crack open the rock hard shell of a walnut with my bare hands, only to come to the sudden realization that the walnut that won't crack is but a reflection of myself.
Monday, November 19, 2007
The Child Within
“If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on now.
There’s just too many places I’ve got to see.”
****************************************************************************
As a student I pass through each day thinking of where my studies might take me.
Would I end up as a worker bee in a colony of dissatisfied drones who have let themselves be descended way too deep into the hive to be shown a way out?
Would I complete my National Service, go to the University, come out with an average or above average degree, carry balls for the next five years and retire after ten to enjoy the rest of my life smoking cigars to my death?
Or would I end up on the streets begging for food as a monk having renounced all worldly desires and material wants.
As a student I find no logical explaination to what I feel about my future. To me, the future is now. Perhaps the phrase is a little to cliche for my liking but it makes sense. Remember those times in Primary School when you'd think "If only I could be like those Secondary School boys. They're so matured;" only to realize that that innate child-like feeling remained in you throughout secondary school life and beyond.
The truth is that we are all children of the world. Yet another cliche that makes sense. In the blink of an eye, my teenage years have come to pass. In just under 4 months my age will begin with the digit '2' and in another blink of an eye, it will begin with the digit '5'. Yet, I still feel like a child at times. I wish I could cuddle in my bed and cry myself to sleep only to know that my mother will wake me up the next morning and make me realize that the world has spun another half-round upon its axis: tomorrow has come.
Some people suppress the child in them. Some people grow up too fast and tell themselves that they cannot live their lives the way they used to. They tell themselves that they have to begin living like grown-ups do: to be disciplined in their work, to always be punctual, to never give up no matter how hard the going gets. I salute all those people who have chosen to live their lives that way and have actually succeeded. But if my humble observation serves me correctly, many people who have achieved success in that respect have also succeeded in another unfortunate aspect: turning a deaf ear to the dreams of the child within them.
The child in me has never given up. As I filter myself into the fast lane leading up to adulthood, I now make a conscious decision to never shut that child in me out. Whenever someone asks me what my ambition is, I will tell them that I want to be a singer, a musician, an actor, a performer. When someone asks me "Why on earth would you want to do that,” I will tell them that it is my childhood dream and that I am determined not to disappoint that child in me.
I would then ask that person, "What has the child in you been trying to say to you?"
****************************************************************************
"Everyday is an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines.
And each town looks the same to me: the movies and the factories.
And every stranger's face reminds me that I long to be...
Homeward bound."
For I must be traveling on now.
There’s just too many places I’ve got to see.”
****************************************************************************
As a student I pass through each day thinking of where my studies might take me.
Would I end up as a worker bee in a colony of dissatisfied drones who have let themselves be descended way too deep into the hive to be shown a way out?
Would I complete my National Service, go to the University, come out with an average or above average degree, carry balls for the next five years and retire after ten to enjoy the rest of my life smoking cigars to my death?
Or would I end up on the streets begging for food as a monk having renounced all worldly desires and material wants.
As a student I find no logical explaination to what I feel about my future. To me, the future is now. Perhaps the phrase is a little to cliche for my liking but it makes sense. Remember those times in Primary School when you'd think "If only I could be like those Secondary School boys. They're so matured;" only to realize that that innate child-like feeling remained in you throughout secondary school life and beyond.
The truth is that we are all children of the world. Yet another cliche that makes sense. In the blink of an eye, my teenage years have come to pass. In just under 4 months my age will begin with the digit '2' and in another blink of an eye, it will begin with the digit '5'. Yet, I still feel like a child at times. I wish I could cuddle in my bed and cry myself to sleep only to know that my mother will wake me up the next morning and make me realize that the world has spun another half-round upon its axis: tomorrow has come.
Some people suppress the child in them. Some people grow up too fast and tell themselves that they cannot live their lives the way they used to. They tell themselves that they have to begin living like grown-ups do: to be disciplined in their work, to always be punctual, to never give up no matter how hard the going gets. I salute all those people who have chosen to live their lives that way and have actually succeeded. But if my humble observation serves me correctly, many people who have achieved success in that respect have also succeeded in another unfortunate aspect: turning a deaf ear to the dreams of the child within them.
The child in me has never given up. As I filter myself into the fast lane leading up to adulthood, I now make a conscious decision to never shut that child in me out. Whenever someone asks me what my ambition is, I will tell them that I want to be a singer, a musician, an actor, a performer. When someone asks me "Why on earth would you want to do that,” I will tell them that it is my childhood dream and that I am determined not to disappoint that child in me.
I would then ask that person, "What has the child in you been trying to say to you?"
****************************************************************************
"Everyday is an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines.
And each town looks the same to me: the movies and the factories.
And every stranger's face reminds me that I long to be...
Homeward bound."
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