I entered the Corporate World in October 2010. In other words, my working life is just a month shy from being 4 years old. Up to this point, I cannot say that I am unsatisfied with where I am. I cannot bring myself to even think that I would have had a better life some place else doing something else. However, human nature has an interesting way of inducing push-pull emotions inside us no matter how contented we might be.
4 years ago I was a bright eyed and ambitious young man set on proving to the world that success can be had even without a degree. My sole purpose in life was to eventually become a manifestation of the overused and under believed notion that it is not what paper-qualifications you have that will make you into a success story but your character and will to learn. Today, while I certainly still hold on to that ambition, I find myself searching for other things that might make my life fuller. Which is not to say that my life as it is isn't. Do you see the internal conflict right in front of you here?
The first thing that I ever wanted to be was a stage actor. After being tricked into joining my Secondary School's Drama Club, I found a world where I actually belonged for the very first time in my life. I could read books and plays and watch performances for the rest of my life without ever getting bored. I could sit in my room and write and re-write essays and articles and random musings for as long as it took. Being "on-stage" after months of rehearsals and mental self mutilation in order to get "in-character" was an adrenalin rush. It wouldn't even have been too dramatic to say that the feeling was akin to living out my dreams through the work of different playwrights. Ironic, but true.
Irony is what really happened since then. Having made a conscious decision not to go to Theatre School after my 'O' Levels, I made a promise to continue doing what I truly loved. That, in the grand scheme of things, has become my push-pull problem. My time getting a Diploma in Law was probably the 3 greatest years of my life thus far - the studying, the friendships, the self-discovery. Then after 2 years of NS, serving every Singaporean Son's unofficial rite of passage, I found my passion in sales. For over a year, I sold human beings. Now, I sell insurance. Yes, I still love my job.
In the past 4 years, many things have happened. People have entered and exited my life and I have done the same. I've been cheated on only to find my absolute soulmate as a result of that experience and to sum everything up, I couldn't ask for a better time in my life. If I could negotiate with Destiny and if she told me that I could choose just one period of my short short life to live and re-live year after year, I would choose this time. I would live it all over again in this period of my life.
So what's this ranting about then Mr-I-Have-A-Perfect-Life?
This is about life being a zero-sum game. You can't have everything in your life. You can't pursue an onstage life without sacrificing your offstage one. You can't sell insurance, build and manage a team, perform cover gigs with your acoustic band, write original songs, take on theatre roles, write reflective self-deprecating blogs, spend every waking moment romantically with your soulmate, keep fit through exercise and meditative arts, learn new languages, backpack through exotic countries and travel in style all at the same time.
...or can you?
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